Bubble Crash!
by AngelofSoul
Summary: Snape gets to baby-sit, Sirius and Remus are in Japan, and baby Harry makes a little stinky... :) Oh the fun of baby fics. :) heeheehee...
1. Scary Lady!

Bubble Crash!  
By: AngelofSoul  
  
S'up people? New idea just swarmed in my head the other night and I had to write it down before I lost it. Yeah, the title's kinda... stupid, but I'm chewing gum- it popped right in my face too. :) Heh, I'm probably the only one who finds it funny. Oh well.  
  
But gum has nothing to with it.  
  
Here's the summary:  
  
Lily and James are needed for something for the Order, and they have no one to baby-sit little Harry! So whom does Lily suggest? (Much to James's horror) an old greasy friend. :) A classic baby Harry fic, enjoy. :)  
  
Rating: PG-13, Snape swears a lot. Baby antics, as the tiny Potter seems to get in a lot of trouble. :) Mentions of slash on behalf of Remus/Sirius, nothing heavy. Aside from the word "shag" here and there. :) Y'know, I find that word to be most interesting. Heeheeheehee... shag.... Shag.... Shagshagshagshagshagshagshag! Shaggity shag shag! ... O.o ... :)  
  
Disclaimer: **I. OWN. NOTHING.** ... :(  
  
Dedicated to: People who have to deal with their/other people's children; daycare employees, teenage baby-sitters, aunts watching nieces and nephews, uncles watching nieces and nephews, grandparents watching grandchildren, newly weds and their first baby/babies, same sex couples who've adopted their first child, and especially Michael and Jason; for they have adopted their first child. Much love and hope to them and their adorable precious gift from above. :)  
  
And now, chapter 1. :)  
  
&&& (-- Ha! Small borders. :))  
  
Chapter 1:  
Scary Lady!  
  
"What about Arabella- you know, Dumbledore's old friend?"  
  
"She has _cats_, James. Cats don't really get along with small children."  
  
"How about Dumbledore?"  
  
"He'll be at the meeting."  
  
"Erm- Peter?"  
  
"...Don't be rediculous, James."  
  
"Oh c'mon Lils! We can't leave Harry with _him_-!"  
  
"Oh stop it, James. He's really nice."  
  
"_Nice_? You think he's _nice_?! Lily-"  
  
"Maybe if you tried to get to know him like I did you'd find that he's a very pleasant person."  
  
"Me? Associate with people like him?! _Ludicrous_!"  
  
"James you're over reacting and being very immature. We're adults now, not in school anymore. Now can you just put your grudges behind you?"  
  
"Well- how about Sirius?"  
  
Lily stopped and glared at her husband with emerald green agitation, adjusting her hold on her small child wrapped in bundles of blankets, she blew a strand of long red hair from her face and said, "James, he's on vacation with Remus in _Japan_."  
  
"Yeah!" James grinned hopefully running a hand through his jet-black messy hair. "They're staying in the same hotel we were in when we visited. I could always apparate-"  
  
"Oh that would just be dandy!" Lily said sarcastically. "I can just see it now: 'Oh sorry to interrupt your shag, but can you watch Harry for us? It'll only be for a _few hours_.'"  
  
"Yeah!" James grinned.  
  
Lily thwapped him on the forehead, "James!"  
  
"Ow, hey!" he quickly caught his glasses before they fell on the grass covered ground.  
  
Lily just shook her head, continuing to walk forward towards Hogwarts large double-door entrance. James slipped his glasses back on and jogged to catch up.  
  
"Lily-"  
  
"Drop it James." Lily growled, eyes flashing dangerously.  
  
James shut up immediately.  
  
&&&  
  
For Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, it was the middle of another school year. Students were up and about the halls, running to classes and narrowly escaping Filch because they were late. Teachers were teaching, of course, or when they had certain periods off they granted F's. Plenty of horrible, largely marked zeroes that covered the parchment in a startling red.  
  
This is what Severus Snape was doing. He sat in the teacher's lounge looking over incredibly long potion essays (two rolls of parchment), a quill behind his ear, and a large stamp with a deep scarlet red dripping ink in one hand. He stamped one particularly informative essay harshly, the ink splattering everywhere except his robes. He tossed it into a large pile on the left of his chair (all marked zero and Gryffindor ((go figure)). Occasionally, Severus removed the quill from his ear and wrote a loopy one hundred in the corner on certain papers (all marked Slytherin, of course) in pretty blue ink. It was almost affectionate.  
  
How sickening.  
  
He was interrupted, however, by a knock on the door and the sounds of bickering. Severus scowled, he didn't like being interrupted when he was grading (or rather picking favorites). For the hell of it, he waited a few moments, taking his jolly sweet time to answer the door.  
  
Another knock, a quick one- a knock that clearly said "no one's there, let's go". Then there was a loud "THWAP" and an "OW!", bickering, then silence.  
  
Another smart knock, and Severus decided, finally, to move his bum. Getting up heavily and letting the rest of the papers drop to the floor (Ravenclaw's) he pulled the wooden door open to see the smiling face of-  
  
"Lily?" Severus blinked, a little surprised. He hadn't seen Lily since their seventh and final year at Hogwarts!  
  
"Severus, it's good to see you!" she was as enthusiastic as usual. Her cheery smile always managed to make him blush a considerable red. Well that's the school boy crush for ya.  
  
"Hullo, Snape." Came the agitated voice of her husband, James, who put an arm around his wife's waist.  
  
"Potter," Severus nodded with an expression of loathing, silently hoping that the red in his cheeks had vanished.  
  
There was a tense silence, as both long time enemies glared at each other. It was almost like a Western Standoff, just without guns. But Lily swore she saw a tumble weed pass by.  
  
Lily sighed, "James..." She said warningly.  
  
"Yeah, yeah..." but James continued to glare daggers at the Head of Slytherin House.  
  
Severus tore his eyes off the former formidable Gryffindor, and looked at Lily, clearing his throat. "Would you like to come inside?"  
  
"I'm afraid we can't, Severus. We're in a bit of a hurry." Lily smiled again, and Snape did his best not to blush. "We-"  
  
"Don't you mean _you_?" James muttered and Lily elbowed him in the ribs, making him wince (Severus tried not to smirk).  
  
"_We_," She continued with a quick glare at her husband. "were wondering if you could do us a little favor?"  
  
"Of course," he was saying this mostly (okay, maybe entirely) to Lily. He wouldn't be caught dead doing anything for James Potter. "Anything." He added smirking at James jealous face when Lily smiled like her birthday had come early.  
  
"Oh wonderful!" Lily said her eyes shining. It took a moment to register the fact she was carrying a bundle of blankets, which she hastily held out to Snape. He took it automatically, and unthinkingly.  
  
"Er-"  
  
"You're a life saver!" She was saying while piling a very long roll of parchment and stuffing it under his free arm. "There's a list of numbers of all my family members, some of James's who know how to use a phone- you know how to use a phone don't you? Of course you do, you took Muggle Studies with me!- Duh, how silly. Anyway, he likes pudding, but not chocolate, it makes him hyper- his juice should be room temperature- keep him away from cats, he never gets along with them, and-"  
  
James was snickering at the bewildered look on Snape's face. He did his best not burst out laughing when Lily put the diaper bag around his neck and continued to rant on and on about "nurturing" her precious gift from above.  
  
"-he eats only on these certain times, I made a whole list- _NO CANDY_ aside from the pudding I put in the bag, make sure he naps or he'll be a cranky little thing. Careful now, he's teething. Just got his first tooth- poor wittle angel!-"she cooed. "-if you have any problems just owl Dumbledore's office, we're meeting in there."  
  
Lily shouldered her purse and stepped back, smiling at Snape who had several diaper bags hanging from his neck, piles of instructional books and papers tucked under his arm, and the bundle of blankets in the other.  
  
Severus wondered whether to toss the thing like a football and run in terror, screaming like a little girl. But he didn't.  
  
James couldn't take it anymore, he was on the floor laughing like a maniac. Lily didn't bother to glare at him this time, just gave him a sharp kick in the shins ("OW!").  
  
"Now," she smiled warmly. "any questions?"  
  
"Er..." Severus blinked. "What am I doing... for you... exactly?"  
  
"Oh, of course!" She said with a wave of her hand. "You're baby-sitting little Harry for us!"  
  
"Harry?"  
  
"My son, silly." Lily said helping her husband off the floor (he's still laughing). "It'll only be for a few ours and his normal sitter is out sick- his godfather's on vacation, of course." She sighed. "And on the worst possible time, too."  
  
Severus was about to protest, and Lily sensed this, so she said quickly. "You're the only option we have left, and we can't take him to the meeting- we hear some _horrible_ things up there, and I want to set a _good_ example for my _baby_." She pouted like a puppy. "Please Severus? It'll only be for a few hours..."  
  
Snape quavered and fell under the spell of the puppy pout, especially Lily's puppy pout. Suppressing a groan, he agreed, with a painful nod of his head.  
  
Lily suppressed the urge to do a happy "jiggle-wiggle" and dragged James away yelling over her shoulder, "We'll be back around seven! Thank you _Sevvy_!"  
  
Severus winced. Sevvy. She hadn't used that nickname since Hogwarts years.  
  
God did he hate that pet name.  
  
Somehow managing not to drop anything Lily had piled onto him, Snape reentered the teacher's lounge and slammed the door shut with his foot. He dropped the bags, books, and papers on the table and wondered what to do with the bundle of blankets that contained the tiny Potter child.  
  
He considered tossing it in the fireplace, but decided against that. Lily would want the baby back. Damn.

So instead he put the pile on one of the squishy armchairs by the fireplace.  
  
Severus then returned to "grading" papers ("F! F!!! ... F ... 100?! WHAT THE HELL?!") only to hear something squirm. The movement of material, blankets... the blankets.  
  
Snape twitched, dropping the Ravenclaw potion essays once more to inspect the bundle he had placed down earlier. He hesitated to touch it, so he pulled out his wand and carefully moved the blankets aside. Inside was a _horror_ to any Slytherin.  
  
It was a miniature replica of James Potter himself.  
  
Severus suppressed a girly scream- erm- _manly war cry_ as the tiny "clone" sat up rubbing large emerald green eyes and yawning like a kitten.  
  
"Mommy?" The little creature said looking around with glasses that were far too big for him. He looked up to see the paled (well, paler than usual, anyway) Snape. "You're not my Mommy... you're a _**scary lady**_!!!"  
  
Severus tested the anime fall. "OW!"  
  
To his surprise, the tot giggled. "A scary funny lady! Do it again! Do it again!"  
  
The Head of Slytherin groaned. This was going to be a long few hours...  
  
&&&  
  
Yay Chapter 1! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!! :) Uh... heeheehee... Um... I just made a _cute_ fic, didn't I? O.o God the world's done for...  
  
Please review?  
  
AngelofSoul


	2. Diaper Antics

Bubble Crash!  
By: AngelofSoul  
  
And it's chap two! Wonderful isn't it? :) Hm... as you know, I threw Harry's other sitters out and sent Sirius and Remus to Japan... hm... O.o oh, I just got an idea! I hope you don't mind slashy fluff!!! :)  
  
**WARNING: _Momentary slashy fluff. Just for this chapter, unless requested for more. If you don't like it, just skip it. :) I made it easy for you. :)_**  
  
&&&  
  
Chapter 2:  
Diaper Antics  
  
"So..." Snape began sitting on his heels, kneeling, and staring eye level with the young Potter child. It had been only three minutes of his baby- sitting task and to be completely honest; he had no bloody clue about what he was doing.  
  
Harry sat in the squishy armchair, semi-tangled in his baby blanket and sucking his chibi thumb. He stared at Severus, his new sitter, with a sparkle of amusement in his large green eyes.  
  
"So..." Snape said again drumming his nails on the wooden arm of the chair. "Harry, is it?"  
  
"Yup!" Harry said through sucking his thumb.  
  
"Ah," Severus said. He cleared his throat, "So... how old are you?"  
  
"This many," The tot held up one finger. "I'll be this many-"he held up two fingers- "soon."  
  
"Hm..." he nodded. "Right..." Snape cleared his throat again. _Well, at least he has intelligence enough to count... sort of._ "Alright," he stood up, looming over the child and looking as intimidating as he usually was to children. "Let's get a few things straight- I'm your _sitter_. Therefor, you _sit._ And keep quiet."  
  
To his surprise, Harry giggled. "Okay scary lady!"  
  
(Insert sweatdrop here)  
  
"And it's _Severus_- **not** _scary lady_."  
  
"Okay scary lady!"  
  
"No, no, no." Snape said a little irritated, his eye twitching. "It's _Severus_. '_Sevv-err-us'_."  
  
Harry seemed to be thinking really hard, "Um... okay!"  
  
The potions master nodded with approval, "Good, good. Now you keep quiet and I'll be over there. Don't move." He started to turn around-  
  
"Okay, scary lady!"  
  
Snape whipped around and was about to correct the child when Harry's face crunched up, looking like he was about to cry. Panicky, the Head of Slytherin shut his mouth and looked about frantically.  
  
_Crap, I just made the child cry- shit, and I usually enjoy that too..._ Severus opened his mouth to say something- anything to stop the kid from bawling-  
  
Bbbbbbbbpppppppppppppptttttttttttttt...  
  
A look of relief graced the tot's face as a hideous smell wafted to Snape's nose. He blanched and coughed, covering his mouth. "Damn- what the hell did you just do?!"  
  
Harry giggled and clapped his hands, exclaiming loudly, "POOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"  
  
"Oh, God!!!"  
  
&&&  
  
Somewhere in Tokyo, Japan...  
  
"This," Sirius said taking a glass of wine from a geisha girl's tray as she passed, "Is the life, eh Moony?"  
  
"Hm..." Remus sighed placing sunglasses over his eyes, sounding gloomy.  
  
It was a nice sunny day at the beachfront hotel they stayed in: not all windy, bright sparkling water and brilliant white sand. Not to mention an outdoor bar with pretty geisha girls serving round after round of fine, red wine as you lye under umbrella shade in the comfort of a large tanning blanket.  
  
A perfect get-a-way place.  
  
A place to relax and enjoy yourself, a place to cuddle with your lover.  
  
That's what Sirius was attempting to do, scooting closer and closer to Remus...  
  
The werewolf rolled over, drifting halfway between napping and consciousness.  
  
Frowning, Sirius snaked his arms around lover's middle, "What's wrong, love?"  
  
"Nothing..." Remus replied tiredly.  
  
"Bull," Sirius snorted, burying his nose behind Remus's neck. "Something's wrong, what's up?"  
  
For a moment he stayed silent, then said, "I feel bad."  
  
"About?" Sirius urged placing soft kisses on the ball of Remus's shoulders.  
  
"What you did earlier..."  
  
"Well," more kisses. "That guy deserved it; no one stares at my Remmy's ass- "  
  
"Not that." Remus snorted. "I meant Lily and James."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Don't act like you don't remember," Remus frowned sitting up and away from Sirius. "You knew they needed a sitter."  
  
Sirius rolled his eyes, "Remus, we've gone over this a million times. Harry has several other caretakers. We don't need to watch him all the time."  
  
"I know that," Remus crossed his arms, frowning. "But it's the way you handled the situation- I mean, 'we're going to Japan this week, sorry'?"  
  
"I planned a get-a-way for us, Remmy-!" Sirius protested.  
  
"That one second Sirius? That very moment you heard the words 'Harry' and 'sitter'?" Remus glared.  
  
"C'mon," Sirius pouted. "I did it because I love you-"  
  
"No, you did it because you didn't want to take care of your godson." Remus snorted.  
  
Sirius went silent for a moment, then sighed in defeat. "That's not... entirely true."  
  
Remus glared at him again.  
  
"I never get to spend any time with you anymore," Sirius scooted close again. "The Order, Voldemort, watching Harry... I wanted just one week, one week, to hold you like I did when we didn't have to worry about everything."  
  
Remus's eyes softened, feeling a little guilty. "I had no idea..." he began.  
  
"I'm sorry, Remus. If you want, we'll go back and ask Lily if that job's still open-"Sirius cut off when Remus shushed him with a kiss.  
  
"Remus?" Sirius blinked when he pulled back.  
  
"We don't have too..." Remus snuggled himself into his chest. "We can just stay here... I like it. The beach is so pretty."  
  
Sirius grinned at this, holding his love close.  
  
"Besides," Remus murmured. "I'm sure Harry's having fun with his new sitter. We wouldn't want to ruin that, would we?"  
  
&&&  
  
Harry giggled as he was lying on his back on the table, waiting for his newly ruined diaper to be changed.  
  
Severus loomed over him with an instructional book in one hand and the diaper bag opened up on his left. His nose wrinkled in disgust as he read:  
  
"_To Change A Stinky Diaper  
  
Has your child made a stinky_?"  
  
"Obviously," Snape snorted, gagging a little at the smell. Harry was still waiting, his baby robes folded to his tiny waist and diaper showing, wiggling his toes in the air and giggling.  
  
"_A little wet? Perhaps a big old dumpy, wumpy_?"  
  
"For gods sake, get to the damn point!" Severus said, exasperated.  
  
"_Wishing this book would get to the "damn_ _point"?_"  
  
"How'd you guess?" Snape said sarcastically.  
  
"_Turn to page 45_."  
  
Rolling his eyes, he did so.  
  
"_Patience is good for you, oh greasy one_."  
  
Growling, he slammed the book shut and looked at the title. _Marauder's Guide to Child Care_.  
  
"Figures, I'll do this my damn self." Severus muttered throwing the book in the bag and carefully undoing the formidable diaper. Harry giggled at the look on Snape's face when he saw the contents.  
  
"What the hell did you eat? Is that-?" Snape squinted. "Oh, sheesh, is that _corn_? Does corn even grow like that? Good God!"  
  
Harry squealed with amusement and clapped his hands, wiggling his little toes in the air. "Mommy wants me to be healthy!"  
  
"And you are," Snape wrinkled his nose staring at the mound of... poop. "Look at all those bean sprouts... and oh wow, there's even _guava_ in here! What a healthy child you are!" sarcasm being at an all time high.  
  
Harry just giggled.  
  
Grimacing with distaste, Severus carefully removed the diaper from under the tot and tossed it in the fireplace. The flames hissed and died.  
  
Ignoring the sudden disappearance of the once dancing flames, Snape reached into the diaper bag and pulled out a fresh Huggies, wipes, and baby powder.  
  
_No problems so far_, Severus thought looking at the child. Harry was a patient little tot, taking a sudden interest in his little fingers. But now was the hard part.  
  
Cleaning his dirtied little bottom.  
  
Snape gulped, dreading what he was about to do. He took out a moist wipe that smelled of sweet baby oil and made sure it covered his whole hand. He didn't want any nasty surprises on his fingers.  
  
Wincing, he turned his head away and reached, slowly, towards the poo- ridden behind...  
  
Then there was a knock at the door. Severus sighed in relief for the momentary interruption, "Don't move." He told the child before going over to the door and opening it.  
  
"Hello, Severus." It was Minerva McGonagall, the stern transfiguration professor. Snape nodded in acknowledgment.  
  
She stepped inside, eyebrow raised at all the baby things on the table. And the baby.  
  
"You have a child, Severus?" Minerva asked awkwardly.  
  
"What- no!" Snape scowled. "Of course not, I'm doing a friend a favor. It's Lily's baby."  
  
"Lily? Lily Potter?" Minerva went swiftly over the table, looking sterner than ever. At first, Severus thought she was going to tell him off-  
  
"He's so precious!" She cooed.  
  
Hence, the anime fall.  
  
"Such an adorable little angel!" She said as though speaking to her favorite nephew. "Why didn't you tell me you were baby-sitting, Severus?"  
  
"It's not like I do this often," Snape said dully. He was ignored.  
  
"Oh, he's so cute!" Minerva squealed. She gave a little gasp, "Did baby make a poo-poo?"  
  
"...Poo-poo?" Snape sweatdropped.  
  
Harry giggled and clapped his hands, "PPPPPPPPOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPIIIIIIIIEEEEEE!!!"  
  
"Oh, stinky-stinky! We can't have a smelly little baby!" Minerva grabbed a wipe and moved so Snape couldn't see what she was doing. After a minute she stepped back and Harry had a fresh new diaper on his newly clean bottom. He was sitting up and clapping his hands.  
  
"Yay!" Harry bounced in his seat. "Yay! All clean!"  
  
"So CUTE!" came a new squeal from the door, Amy Sinistra, the astrology teacher, bounded passed Severus and scooped up the baby. "Oh, he's so precious! Look at him- oh Minerva, is he a nephew of yours?"  
  
She shook her head, "Oh, no, no! Severus is baby-sitting for Lily."  
  
Sweatdrop, hence the double sized.  
  
"Oh, how sweet!" Amy bounced the tot, which he giggled. "I've always wanted a baby, they're so adorable! Who's a cute baby? Who's cute?" She snuggled his cheek. "You are!"  
  
"Oh, let me hold him Amy!" Minerva said anxiously.  
  
Severus stared in disbelief and an odd amusement. Oh well, looks like he hit it off easy. So, he slumped in an armchair and watched the two woman argue over the little baby. It was quite amusing, actually, until the little tot began to whimper.  
  
The two silenced and looked down at the whimpering child.  
  
Harry's face was scrunched up, and tears were trailing his cheeks. It wasn't long before he was bawling.  
  
"Oh, now look what you did!" Amy scowled wrenching the child away from the other woman.  
  
"What _I _did?" Minerva scowled back, "_You_ were the one messing with him!"  
  
"S-s-scary l-lady!" Harry whimpered, reaching his chibi arms in Snape's direction.  
  
"See?" Amy cried, "He called you a _scary lady_!"  
  
"_Me_?" Minerva said, miffed. "How do you know he isn't talking about you?!"  
  
"S-scary lady!" Harry cried harder, trying to struggle out of Amy's arms, trying to his goal: Severus.  
  
This was embarrassing. The baby actually wanted Severus (and he still called him scary lady!!!)  
  
Not being able to take this, Snape stood from his chair and took the child from Amy. "He's not talking about either of you!" he snapped holding the child with one arm, which Harry stopped crying instantly. "He's talking about me..."  
  
"Oh, I forgot you were there, Severus." Minerva blinked.  
  
Snape suppressed the urge to snap at them again, and set the child back on the table. "Why are you two here, anyway?" he said, exasperated.  
  
"Oh, I'm off this period." Amy said scratching the back of her head.  
  
"I almost forgot," Minerva blinked. "I came to tell you that you had a class, Severus. Your break's over."  
  
"Great," Snape muttered. "Just beautiful." Still muttering under his breath, he grabbed the biggest diaper bag, tucked the child under his other arm, and looking rather funny; walked out of the lounge to the dungeons.  
  
Now was the time to be Mr. Scary Head of Slytherin. Time to scare the pants off of some Gryffindors.  
  
Harry clapped and blew a bubble with his spit, giggling.  
  
Oh yeah, Mr. Scary Head of Slytherin with the Bubble Blowing Baby of Doom. Real frightening, all right.  
  
&&&  
  
Yay! I'm done... for now... shoots, than there's chapter three next huh? ... will get to that. Let me apologize for my absence on this ficcy, I'm truly sorry. Please review! I wish I could have gotten this up earlier, but I couldn't... damn...  
  
Later!  
  
AngelofSoul 


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